Goodbye Dad
Well, things aren’t quite the same as when I last blogged. My Dad passed away at 3.45am Weds 20th Jan. Myself and my aunt (my Dad’s sister) were with him.
I had been in Belfast for the previous 11 days visiting him and staying in a nearby hotel. I brought my camera over with me, but I lost all interest in taking photographs. I tried a little aimless walk around Belfast city with my camera but I couldn’t ’see’ anything except that I would be capturing memories of a sad time. It seemed futile. However, I ventured to take my camera into the hospital the day before my Dad passed away. What did I think I was going to be able to capture? I don’t know…..
I walked to the hospital that day. 12 minutes. I guess I timed it in case I needed to get there in a hurry, but all other times I caught a bus or taxi. I took photos along my walk, of the hospital, of the hospital church (where I spent a lot of time much to my surprise), of the note I left in the prayer book….
I knew my Dad would never want a picture of him in the state he was in. He didn’t even want me to see him like that…all the tubes…he was a very proud man. Thankfully that day he had been moved from the intensive care ward into his own room, which was one of his wishes. Throughout the 11 days all I could do was hold his hand. I couldn’t hug him because of all the wires and a fear of disturbing them. Prior to him going into hospital I hadn’t held my Dad’s hand since I was a little girl. It seemed significant. And I took a photo. The last photo I would have with my Dad. About 7 hours later he would be gone.
It’s been three weeks since I went over to Belfast. So much has happened. So many new experiences for me. I’ve started a blog called The Old Songs Are The Best. I couldn’t really blog in Belfast; no time, internet connection amongst other things. I made notes and I will be turning those notes into blog posts. Please be warned that it isn’t the jolliest blog. I am telling it like it is. I have hesitated about blogging about it all, but something inside me wants to. I am not sure whether my Dad would approve or not, but I hope he understands.
For now I’ll leave you with one of my Dad’s favourite pieces of prose.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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